and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
