Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
