i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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