If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
