I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
