Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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