You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
