I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
