y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
