I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
