Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Michael Bay diarrhea
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
