I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
