can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
