i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
