she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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