You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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