I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he was CRYING into my vagina
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
