Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
