He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
