I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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