Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
