apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Randomize
