every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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