with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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