He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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