Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
