Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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