T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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