no, he came in my armpit
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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