So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
