haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
