I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
