ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Life is so much better after having sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
