We named our party play list daddy issues
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
last night I used snow as a chaser
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
