When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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