she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
