I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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