I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
