I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
