We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
