Don't you send me to vm
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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