Will you blow on my dice?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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