then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
