I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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