ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Randomize