awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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