She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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