I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize