Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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