This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
