Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
