just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
