You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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