I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
