When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
