I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
