We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
