If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
