john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
