Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
