At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
