I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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