I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
