You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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