SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We had sex on a dog bed..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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