i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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