um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
