gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
