I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
